The Young Will Grow.

I don't know who came up with the term "The young shall grow."
I mean why the use of "shall" instead of "will"?
The use of "shall" to me in that sentence deliver the message that it may or it may not happen.
The young will grow, the young do grow and i'm very upset about it.

Knowing what I know now, there is room for regret.
I know everybody sees it as a shame to regret an event or a situation but I think this is part and parcel of life.
In many ways the things I once embraced, I regret today, simply because I feel I wasn't ready for them. To a degree, regret seems like self pity and an outlet of facing reality on the happenings of life.
Well whatever it means i'm regretting today.

I regret dating, yes I regret dating at an age where I really knew nothing on what it means to be human, what it means to be dedicated to living. I regret trying to mimic the adult world and trying to show that I can keep a relationship together that is loving and honest and open.
I regret doing that, I was so eager to prove to my parents that relationships didn't have to be about fighting, squabbling, emotional abuse, physical abuse, pain, yelling, accusations, stress, moral degradation, enhancements of insecurities, the list goes on.
I wanted to prove that I have the power and the strength to make ANY relationship work, be it friends from school or friends from....ah whatever boys.
I wanted to show I could do it, I wanted to show I could be the perfect person in the magazines or in the movies who only have issues related to meeting and marrying the next cute guy or saving the world from some dreaded disaster.

I'm probably going to make my regret a series, it's an examination of the things I once said I never regretted but in fact I do.
In my opinion I see this as an evaluative session, since I can't stand outside the box in the present, it's time to stand outside the box on the past. Maybe then I can move on from this stagnant course I run.
I want to blog so badly about MR MAN but this my friend G has scared me now, me I dont want no boyfriend abi ex boyfriend abi FRIEND coming out and blogging secret messages to fear me oh! On the other hand if that happens it could be his way of trying to win me back? LOL No! I keep forgetting women are not prizes to be won, women and valuable possessions to be taken care of. Maybe that may be an anti feminist thing to say, but then again I never said anything about being a feminist.

My sister is.....18....she met a boy, and I HATE HIM.
Not because he's done anything to me or her, but because he is a him and him is a he who will make her notice she is a her, while she is still young and not ready for the mental fuckery that boys her age indulge in.

I'm scared for my sister, I would hate it if she becomes a me, who has become a girl who is afraid for the future and the real meaning of a relationship, on the real meaning between infatuation and love, infatuation and I stand corrected DEDICATION.
I want to tell her to not fall into the land of I smile when I see him and my stomach flutters when he kisses me.

I'm scared she'll fall into the abyss of he makes me feel good and I can't live without him.

Because in reality, flutters, pangs, hunger pains because you miss him, are all part of the lies that our minds tell us because we need to feel this thing like a drug keeping the pain at bay even though we still feel it anyways.

I'm scared for her because this relationship thing is a river with strong currents and heavy waves and only the best swimmers can survive this.
I'm scared because as I am drowning, I'm afraid I may not be at my very best for advising and listening to the "I don't understand why he's hurting me like this, I don't understand why i'm hurting Mphae, explain it to me."
And as I open my mouth to cry and to say that this relationship thing is a hard ass thing, water flows out of me, from my eyes, from my nose, from my ears........the waves have just been too hard.

The currents have dragged her in.